I have completed the section that focuses on Knowledge of Self and begun the 7 days dedicated to Knowledge of Mary. de Montfort begins by using gospel passages to remind us of the humility and virtues of Mary. How, at the Nativity and afterward, she “treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
de Montfort states that if we are to be united to God that “we must use the same means he used to come down to us to be made Man and impart His graces to us. This means is a true devotion to our Blessed Lady.”
He refers to those who are reading his words as “predestinate souls.” This has a profound impact on me since the 15th promise of Mary to those who pray the rosary is that “devotion to my rosary is a great sign of predestination.” These are powerful and intimidating words.
I would have been surprised if the preparation process would have proceeded totally smoothly with one satisfying grace experience after another. But I would have welcomed it. Unfortunately, my stomach problems have returned with a vengeance and the past few days have been truly unpleasant. This has really knocked me for a loop since I had been doing so well for so long and the beginning of the improvement had coincided with the beginning of the consecration preparation.
I find myself in a dark place now, since this has really affected my mood. A few other issues have crept up to remind me of how flawed and fragile a human being I am. A loss of computer data, scheduling mishaps, the work stress, financial worries, combined with the stomach miseries (and trust me, it is miserable), are all combining to make me snappy and depressed.
I wonder, sometimes, if the awareness of someone pursuing a deeper relationship with Mary simply outrages the devil. I have thought, in the past, that someone with a special relationship with Mary bears a certain armor against Satan that is particularly maddening to him. It would seem likely that he would do anything he could to thwart the intentions of someone preparing to consecrate their heart and soul to a mortal enemy. Perhaps that explains some of what’s happening right now. Perhaps not.
I just pray that the Blessed Mother will bear me up and support me at this time. I long to find peace and union with Christ through her. I do wonder, sometimes, if peace will ever be mine. I realize that physical suffering takes its toll on the mind and the spirit and the recurrence hit me harder than I would have thought. It will make the process more difficult but no less meaningful and important. But it is my lifelong tendency towards fear and despair that I fight with and that scares me more than anything else.
Hail Mary, full of grace, pray for this sinner!
(Note: At the very moment I completed this post the phone rang. It was my son who had just left the house no more than a minute before. His voice was shaking and he said that about a half mile from our house he was coming over a crest of a hill only to find that another vehicle was in his lane coming straight at him. He slammed on his brakes and the other car swerved and missed him by “no more than inches.” Thank you, Blessed Mother, for protecting my son!)
Amen.
As for the seeming setback, The Little Prince comes to mind:
“What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.”
Carol,
I hope so because I am soooo thirsty.
Wow…Terry…Please, forge ahead. We’re all holding you up in our prayers.
Terry, I know it is difficult (to say the least) when you’re feeling so miserable, but if you can, I would say try to reflect on the spiritual exercises assigned for this week of “Knowledge of Mary” and maybe choose one or two that you can concentrate on (eg. blind obedience, patience…). I’ve put a link here to the post at Consecrated to Mary for the week of “Knowledge of Mary” (although our days appear to be counted differently). Our knowledge of Mary has to be more than head-knowledge, as you know – and one way the consecration gives this to us is through imitating her, as in this week’s exercises. Mary will bless our most feeble attempts because she knows we are sincere, and how tenderly she must be gazing at you as she sees you struggling with your health but continuing despite all the setbacks. A little further down in my post, in the alternate consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, we are told “We find, through our consecration, that her heart, beating within us, shall give to us the strength gained through her own trials and sufferings.”
And Amen – thank you Mother Mary, for your mantle of protection around Terry’s son.
http://consecratedtomary.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/consecration-preparation-days-twenty-to-twenty-six/
Thank you Pia. I need all the prayer support I can get.
Gabrielle, We are in sync on the days. Day twenty is the beginning of the week of Knowledge of Mary.
I did visit your site and read the passages presented. I realize that the flaws in this process are all mine. I am at a loss as to how to deal with my anxiety and the digestive problems (which may be stress related) are exhausting form me. Practicing this kind of trustful surrender to the gentle protection of Mary is proving quite a challenge because, (wrongly, I know) my expectations are so high. And this is completely contrary to the teachings of St. Louis. I should give myself to Mary without expectation and simply entrust myself into her loving care so she can bring me ever closer to union with Christ. I am more afraid of my weakness than confident in her strength.
I will pray that she “shall give to us the strength gained through her own trials and sufferings.”
Maybe we can look at it in the same way as Divine Mercy; as Jesus said so many times in so many different ways to St. Faustina, God’s mercy is greater than any possible sin, no matter how grave or how long a person has been in that state. In fact, Jesus said that the greater the sinner, the greater right that person had to His Divine Mercy, and never to hesitate to run to Him for it. And so with Mary, I believe; the greater our fear of our own weakness as we go through the consecration, perhaps the greater our “right” to Mary’s strength. Just keep bringing it to her, Terry, and she will give you the strength and the graces necessary for each day, one day at a time.
Gabrielle, I truly appreciate your encouraging words. There is a much wisdom in your latest comment. I am really struggling right now between the GI distress and the business issues and every single day is an endeavor. I will just keep praying to the Blessed Mother to lead me along this path to union with her Son and the Trinity. She has never let me down. I wish I found more comfort in that fact.