Consecration Commencement & Breaking the Dam
5 Comments Published February 14th, 2010 in Uncategorized
Just as the graduation ceremonies for college are referred to as a “commencement,” I feel that completing the consecration preparation and making the consecration to Jesus through Mary places me in sort of a commencement mode.
If I am to take this at all seriously, and I do, then this is a new beginning. Not that it changes my day-to-day life but it does challenge me to approach life and my faith in a different way and with a different perspective. Now, I am trying to place all of my temporal and spiritual concerns in the arms of Mary, for her to do with as she sees fit in cooperation with her Son. I have also been considering the emphasis placed on assuming the attitude and virtues of Mary with the help of the Holy Spirit. That is a process and transformation that I can’t even begin to anticipate or comprehend but I do welcome whatever interior changes that can help me to practice trustful surrender and patient acceptance of all things.
It seems so odd to me that the consecration ended up occurring when it actually did. Here I am embracing a radical though logical alteration in the way I approach Christ in the midst of what for me is one of the periods of greatest inner turmoil I’ve ever experienced. I sincerely hope that someday I can reflect on these times and truly see and appreciate how God was working in my life and leading me.
Even though I keep getting feedback from medical tests that there is nothing physically wrong with me, I cannot accept that there is nothing that can be done to provide some sort of relief. It is the constant, unrelenting stomach problem that is causing me the greatest distress. It is really wearing me down emotionally simply because it just never stops. I feel sick 24 hours a day. So even though there is nothing wrong there is obviously something wrong…if you know what I mean. And I can’t believe that, even if they can’t find a cause, that there isn’t anything that can provide some type of relief.
I did start taking an anti-anxiety medication about a week and a half ago called Buspar. I have to start out with small doses and work my way up and apparently it takes weeks to begin to have an effect. But at least it’s something. If stress is causing my gastro problems then maybe a medication that addresses that issue might provide some relief.
I do know one thing that does bring relief. Tears! Buckets of them. Torrents of them. I can name three specific times in my life when I was at my wits end when a sudden and unexpected collapse into tears provided some of the most dramatic healing I have ever experienced. One in particular occurred prior to my wedding 30 years ago. I was in the midst of a major anxiety episode and it was crushing me just at the time I was preparing for marriage. One night I sat in prayer and asked the Lord to show me whatever it was in my past that needed healing and to provide that healing. I can’t remember exactly what image or thought entered my mind but it was an early childhood memory that just unleashed one of the most draining, cathartic and healing experiences of my entire life. I was literally healed and changed by that event. And there is no doubt that it was a healing directly from the Lord.
But these days I am like a dammed river. It seems like everything is just trapped deep inside me and I can’t find the plug to release it all. I know that it would help but I can’t uncork my emotionally constipated inner child. But I will pray that Mary will send the grace of release and healing to me as I know that a loving Mother would.
Until then, one day and one step at a time.
I found your site because of the beautiful picture of Our Lady you posted showing her Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart. I am wondering if your finding of this picture and the fragrance you experienced might be prompting you to learn more about the devotion this picture represents and your anxiety and resultant illness then cease. I don’t know. It is just a thought. Perhaps now that you have made a total consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, her Son would like you to go deeper – into her Sorrowful Heart united with His Sacred Heart.
Do you know much about the picture? It was found during the World War in unexpected circumstances. The artist is unknown. A little book I have, The Sorrowful and Immaculate HEART of MARY, adapted from Rev. Father Duffner’s biography of Berthe Petite, Franciscan Tertiary 1870-1943, explains that the picture of Our Lady of Olignes “represents the Mother of God holding in her left hand a lily, symbol of her immaculate purity, the gratuitous gift of her Son, while the index of the right hand, resting on her breast, draws and fixes attention to her Sorrowful Heart, surrounded by flames and transpierced with a sword. The deep and far-seeing gaze of the Immaculate seems to contemplate with sadness the sins of the world – cause of the sufferings expressed in her gentle face”. Our Lord explained: “By her acceptance of Calvary My Mother has participated in all My sufferings. Devotion to her Heart united to Mine will bring peace, that true peace, so often implored and yet so little merited.”
Our Lord’s messages to Berthe Petite are fully approved by the Church and Miss Petite, an expiatory victim, lived only on the Blessed Sacrament during the last decades of her life. She suffered a great deal but with the greatest of peace. There is some information on line.
I, too, have been under a lot of stress that has been growing worse.Only today does a long, slow, painful recovery seem possible. I went on the net to look for a holy picture to focus upon while asking Our Lady’s help through the days ahead. That’s when I saw your picture of Our lady of Olignes on the google images results page. I have felt drawn to this picture and devotion for sometime and felt I should tell you about it when I read your blogs.
All the best,
Ann.
I mentioned earlier that there was more information on the web. The following website is a good starting point should you be interested.
http://www.7dolors.com/biography.htm
Terry Of course you may or not believe this but just this morning before I read the blog, I was looking at a portion of your eulogy for Ed. I thought of how beautifully worded that segment was and how absolutely unbelievable it was that you got through that piece at Church. My next thought was that as unbelievable and admirable it was that you did get through it maybe you just walled all that emotion in. I believe that in one of your blogs when you talk about your brother and his illness when you both were children, you said you never really cried for that hurt that you had felt at that time, because all the emphasis was on him. Maybe all the stomach problems are related to the letting go and then will come the healing. Think of what you said about how you felt after releasing all that anguish around the time of your wedding. You have been holding so much in because you have been given too much to handle. You have become Superman and that is not real. Then you get a beautiful mesage from Ann and you have given her a little hope in her trials. Maybe you have to let yourself go and really feel the feelings as scary as that is. You know I am always praying for you and I am sure that all the people in heaven that we know (and there are a lot) are watching over you and will make sure that you pass through this crisis and have a happy life and are finally given the peace that you deserve. You spoke it by comparing yourself to a walled dam. Let it go, fall apart and come back.
Ann, Thank you so much for visiting and for leaving this most informative comment. I can’t tell you how gratifying it is that someone found something that I posted helpful since I seem to spend so much time lately moaning about my problems. I hope that the picture of Our Lady of Olignes brings you much comfort and healing now and in the future.
Lynn, I truly don’t know how I kept it together during Ed’s eulogy either but I felt an obligation to get through it without clouding the comments with emotion so we could simply embrace his memory. I miss him so much. Maybe I’ll ask him tonight to help me unclog the ducts and get some real healing waterworks going.
One day at a time – Our Father….give us, this day…
God bless you my friend